If You Want A Divorce,  Then You Can Have One…

Ok guys, so I’ve been going through hell the past few days, weeks, months, years. Not only due to my horrible neck and spine pain,  which I had 2 surgeries on, which in the end only made things excruciating for me and my health; but also , in the background,  I have a husband who can sometimes seem like he’s wonderful and is there for me through thick and thin. That is when he is getting what he wants from me, which is me to be under his constant control. However, the other side is a person whom I and my children don’t know at all. We are scared of him, due to knowing that he can, will, and has been able to do abusive things to us in the past, and yet he is able to persuade cops and court officials to believe that he is the victim. He’s went as far as to claw his own neck up, report me for running over his thumb, and lots of other things like having my then 5 year old child lie to the police for him. All this due to me attempting to take back control of my life. It’s hard when you’re in this kind of situation,  but it’s  even peuyyu when you’re in this kind of situation with chronic pain,  lots of different health issues and trying to raise 3 little girls to know that this type of relationship is not right, so that they do not think that when they’re older allowing anyone to treat them this way is right, just because they witnessed this behavior as children. Recently,  and by recent,  I mean about a week ago, he printed out divorce papers and said that he wanted a divorce.  Now, with that being said, we’ve been together for 11+ years and he has served me divorce papers at least 5 or 6 different times. Honestly,  it could’ve been more than that, just think that I may have lost count out of all the craziness . We did divorce in 2012, just to get remarried a week and a half later. This is mainly due to him taking my babies from me after being able to lie his way to the courts and make them believe everything he was saying. I lost my babies for 5 months, to where I was completely not able to see or even talk to them on the phone. Finally,  after I was able to get back on my feet and go back to work, I hired an attorney and started being able to see my girls who were at the time, 2 and 4 years old. By months 6 and 7 he had been living with another girl, who too was also married to someone else and had children of her own, however she left them with their father to move in with my family.  From August of 2012 until January 15th 2013, I went without contact with 2 of the most precious things in my life! When I was finally able to get to see them, I had moved back home in SC, from the home that he and I shared in FL, I  was totally crushed to learn that he had confused my children so much, that my youngest daughter didn’t even remember me. She had been told to call the new girlfriend mommy, and so both of my babies did what they were told, and allowed this new woman to take my place as their mother, due to them really not having a choice in the matter. I traveled 450 miles every weekend to visit with my babies, to try to rekindle the mother/daughter that we had that was stolen from us due to my refusal to obey him and his needs. I was only allowed 1 hour on Saturdays and if he thought that I had been nice enough, then he would possibly allow me 1 more hours with the girls on Sundays.  However,  for this to happen,  I could not bring anyone with me to visit, so that meant, (on the rare occasions that he allowed me to get the 2nd hour on Sundays) that I had to pay for my oldest daughter and sometimes my niece also a hotel room because he refused to allow their own sister to be able to visit with them. Not only that, but I was searched by a police officer each time I went to visit the babies, and had to visit them at some school in FL that the courts had appointed for the noncustodian parents, whom they thought were a danger to their children. Then after all this, the babies and I were never allowed to be alone, even though I pleaded that he was the abusive one, and was mentally harming my kids, the courts continued to stay with this order in place. I was watched at all times with the babies and a representative of the courts walked around with us everywhere, even to the bathroom.  I would bring them different types of things such as crafts for us to do while we were there, and toys,  to be able to take home with them after our visits. However,  apparently he would not allow the children to keep anything that came from me. And in the end actually I had brought them a lot of Valentine’s/early Easter toys, and crafts, and also a bucket and shovels,  because I knew how much they’d enjoy those things. Well 1 of the court reporters had informed me that after he and his new girlfriend came to pick up my babies from my visit with them, that right down the road about a mile, at a stop sign, everything that I had bought for the babies was strategically placed on the side of the road, as if it were some type of trash for anyone to have. The reporter did take pictures, thank God. However,  due to being so scared to lose my girls again for good, instead of keeping up the fight for full custody,  I gave in to shared custody. But I knew I had made the wrong decision and knew that without me being with my babies on an everyday basis, he could harm them and their mentality and emotions even more, and I felt that I had to have them with me full-time.  I knew that he was only taking the girls to hurt me, and I even told the courts that throughout the whole ordeal.  However,  I felt as if no one would listen. To make a long story just a bit shorter, I decided that I would get back with him only for what I thought would be for my girl’s wellbeing. I knew that he wasn’t really with the girlfriend due to love, so after a week and a half later I talked him into moving back to SC, so that I would be able to be with the girls. And yes, I even remarried him 10 days later, to feel assured that he would not run off with my babies back to FL, once he found out what was really going on . I’m not proud of the betrayal that I had to pull over on him, but those were my babies too, and the courts weren’t helping and unless he thought that I wanted him, he wasn’t about to give me the girls back, and I knew that he would just hurt them, to hurt me. It was sickening to say the least.  But many,  many things have happened since then. Of course more abusive behavior has always been at the top of the chart even if I never let anyone know.  However, I decided last year, after having to report him for raping me as I was passed out from him getting me intoxicated,  and this was while he had taken my girls from me once again,  that I would try to forget all the pain and craziness he had put me through and move back to FL with he and all 3 of my girls. This obviously was not a smart idea, even after all his promises that he was making about being a great person and never ever harming any of us again.  So now, about a week ago, he said to me once again that he wanted a divorce, so I told him that I would totally agree if he would not do the horrible things that he had done before trying to take my girls to hurt me by lying, and making marks on himself and reporting it to the police, pretending that I was the one who made the marks. He said that this time he promised that we would be cordial, and that he would even be moving back to Costa Rica with family and leaving the girls with me. However, New Years eve, he decided that he did not want to spend time with our girls, but he decided that he’d rather go miles away to be with his friends to bring on the new year, and that was fine, I was more than willing to spend my new years with my babies. However,  when he came back from his weekend vacation with his friends. He has totally changed, probably because I agreed too freely, but none the less,  now he says he wants to stay together and is back to threatening to take the girls yet again if I do not stay with him. I’m trying to explain to him, that I and my children need counseling and that with my chronic pain from my constant health issues, that I don’t even know how to love myself anymore,  I can only love my children,  no one else. But he refuses to listen and instead chooses to use threats to confine me. Guess this would be the life of a Narcissist and their victims.

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Author: The Not So Crafty Crafter

Hi! I am the mother of 3 wonderful, yet very quirky, girls; they're ages 17, 7, and 5 years old. I was in nursing school, while working as a certified nurse assistant for a living, that however has been put on hold for now due to chronic back pain from surgery that I had for the chronic back pain. (If that makes any since. Lol. Now, I am a housewife/homemaker, phalaenopsis orchid lover, and turned crafter with my girls and even alone. This would be the latest of my new found interests, the blogging world!!!

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