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Over the years I knew that once medical marijuana was legalized, I would be a candidate for this type of “medical pain relief,” if you will. And honestly, I was happy about this and even embraced it with opened arms. As a younger adult, I was an advocate for the legalization of cannabis and I even wrote a college term paper on this exact subject. I knew that when I had been a user of marijuana, I enjoyed it, and it did not seem as though it were a hard and heavy drug that needed to be illegal; but never in a million years, did I think that I would be alive to actually watch as it became legalized, let alone be a patient whom it would be prescribed for as a medication.
Of course, this year to my surprise, it won the judgement of legalization in some form, across many states in the US. I thought to myself , how this was a great win for different patients all across the board, and especially for patients with chronic pain, to whom I am a part of. I had heard that there was marijuana that was specifically grown for the cannabinoids, or CBD, and that the THC would actually be very low within this type of cannabis. Which made me even more grateful, considering that a lot of things have changed since my wilder days, when I had less, or actually no real responsibility.
I can remember having issues with back pain, all the way back in 2004. That was when the owner of a company that I worked for, was nice enough to send me to a chiropractor and actually paid for the visit. (RIP BJ JOHNS) At this appointment, the chiropractor had examined me, and immediately asked me what type of head or neck trauma I had acquired in my past, due to what he had found within the x-rays that were taken. I told him that I had not been in any type of situation to cause anything to be wrong with my neck. At this point, he and I were both confused. I left that day, and just assumed that he did not know what he was talking about, even though he had pointed out that it seemed as though I had detrimental problems with my c-3 and c-4 vertebrae.
The years passed, and I was beginning to experience more and more chronic back pain, however I just assumed that this was normal aging. Then in 2012, the pain was really starting to take a toll on me, limiting my ability to work, do housework, and even play with my kids the way that I was once able to do. I ended up having two neck surgeries, the 1st one was in 2012, the 2nd one was 2014; neither of them were able to alleviate the pain, and actually made it extremely worse. The medications that I was on , were remarkably high doses of narcotics, and yet still were not able to conquer the pain that I was now feeling.
I filled out all the legal paperwork, and waited until my time (in line, so to speak) until being able to see a doctor to whom would acknowledge, that indeed my pain was severe enough to benefit from medical marijuana. At the time that I got to actually see the doctor, I was not able to purchase my medical marijuana, even though I had a patient id number, apparently I had to wait until the state sent me my confirmation of being able to purchase in the form of a “user registry” medical cannabis identification card. I believe that the required time is actually 90 days, and I was going into my 5th month.
Once I received confirmation then I was able to go to the dispensary and purchase my medical cannabis. There were all types, liquids, sheets, vapes, and even capsules; and then there were also different flavors. It almost seemed unreal to me, like a candy store for marijuana. It seemed to far fetched, but this is how I was making since of it. I was going to just order the CBD oil, because I had recently tried it, and seemed to have a lot of success with it in limiting my pain, thus reducing the amount of narcotics that I had to take in. This was when the dispensary associate said to me, “that’s only cbd oil, and it may not work as well for your condition of pain, so you may want to actually get the low THC medical marijuana, which is actually what your doctor prescribed anyway.” I expressed how I had kids and “did not want to feel high.” He assured me that this would not be the case, and that the low THC was actually grown to not get the “high,” but to ease the pain. So I listened to him, and went on about my way.
I attempted this, “low THC, medical marijuana,” that was supposed to “not get me high,” on many different occasions, trying to find a happy medium. They had told me that I would have to find the right dosage for me, so I would have to try different amounts of the “tokes” from my vape pen, to get to the point to where I would be able to ease my pain. However, I realized soon, that this was helping me to mitigate the pain, but regardless, I was also becoming very high as well. This was very upsetting to me, I did not want to become high, I just wanted to diminish my chronic pain to be able to live the life that I once was able to do. However, how could I? If I was always high, I did not want to do anything, just sit there, nothing more, nothing less.
This is what I was told about 2 weeks ago after pitching a fit a my orthopedic surgeons office when his office desk lady told me that he told her that he would not see me unless I paid the full balance owed to his office from prior visits. The only problem with this was, my insurance covers 75% and 25% after deductible has been met, which it would have at that time already been met, and also they were billing the procedure wrong, and also they were billing me for doctors that I have never even met before! Not only that, but he knew that I had been to his office 2 other times the past week and because his office screwed up they had to reschedule my doctors appointment and that meant that I was out of my medication, which in my case meant even more intense pain! So therefor, I was not the most friendliest person in the world that day I will admit. However, in my defense, I believe that doctors often lose sight of what they actually go into the medical field for to begin with. At least I would hope that most of them would have started off wanting to help their patients and not just caring about the money, but that is not what I have found to be the situation these days and times.
My fist surgery was June 14th of 2012, it was a 3 layer anterior cervical fusion. This was the biggest mistake of my whole entire life. I knew better, and I still allowed a doctor to persuade me to do this just because he had been through more school years than I had been through. Still, just in my few months that I was in nursing school, this was one of the first things that was taught to me; “never have surgery done on your back, because if you do, if the pain does come back, it will come back 10 times fold.” It is sad that I can still remember where I was, and in what class, and which campus, but instead of listening, back then to the one person that I now know for a fact knew what he was talking about, I decided to go and listen to a doctor without any other reasoning, other than him being a doctor. I just believed that he could not have possibly just have wanted to do a surgery just to get the money from it, I mean what kind of cold heartless human person would do something like that, certainly not a doctor, and certainly not my own doctor. Doctors actually care about what is best for their patients and their health, so I was sure that if there was something else that should have been done, or could have been done, he would have definitely done them. I was proven wrong in all cases. This doctor told me nothing would help me but surgery. When asked if I could go to a chiropractor, physical therapy, or even massage therapy he told me that these things would just worsen my condition, and not help in any type of way. He refused to see anything but surgery as an outcome. However after the surgery was done and I continued to complain of pain, he also refused to believe that there was any wrong doing on his part, instead he just assumed that I was addicted to the pain medication and said that he could not do anything else for me.
Next I then found another doctor whom would also tell me everything that I’d want to hear before agreeing to have the surgery, and yet after the surgery everything would be different. My 2nd surgery was supposed to be done in order to correct the 3 fusions that did not take, in order for me to be able to get off the pain medication. This doctor understood how important this was to me, and he said there was going to be a very good chance that I would be able to never have to take any more pain medication again. It was a 10 hour surgery, first he had to cut the 3 level fusions out that were previously placed and then then place 3 new fusions within. After this was done, he then flipped me over to where my back was exposed and then proceeded with a posterior surgery, by placing 2 metal rods down my spine. He really seemed as though he empathized with me and my situation, well that was until after the surgery was done. Yet again, I was still in pain, and this doctor not only did he not want to to take any responsibility for my pain, but he also went as far as to speak to someone that was taken of my FERPA, due to previous threats made by them. Needless to say, the doctor violated my HIPPA rights by speaking to this person, and this person managed to make the doctor believe that they “were concerned for my safety because they loved me, and did not want me to hurt myself,” but the real reason was that we had split up and he did not want me to be able to manage without him, so therefor, he made sure that he ruined plenty of doctors for me to where I would need him to be able to find them for me, or I would have to remain in constant pain. But that is a whole other story.
Then we move back to FL, which is where it all began, this is where the first surgery actually happened, and this is where the downward spiral of my my life began to take place. I regret ever having this first surgery done, I feel as though it totally ruined what was a great life, an independent life, my life. Either way, what’s done, is done. We made our move back over a year ago, and due to my chronic back pain I knew that I needed to go to my primary care physician to get a referral for orthopedic surgeon; and because I had this doctors office the first time I lived in Florida, I already knew that they would more than likely be referring me to the office right across the hall, which was the office that they referred me to the first time and I did decide to go through with my surgery, however I did not know that the doctor would not want to go through with patient care after making his pockets fatter. But such is life I guess. Of course, due to the convenience, the office referral was made for the orthopedic surgeon, right across the hall. I wonder if they really would have made the referral for the office across the hall if they knew everything that had happened with me and my my situation? I’m positively sure they would not have, especially considering I had to find everything in me me to not sue for neglect and malpractice. After hearing that this was the the referral they had made for me, it took me a couple of days to actually think it through to decide how I wanted to handle this, and if I would actually be able to handle to this considering this man completely screwed up my life. I decided to go call and make an appointment, and to my surprise, I found out that he no longer worked at this facility. So actually, it was really no surprise at all, what was a surprise to me, was that he was still practicing medicine, just at a different location.
My first visit with the “new” doctor seemed to go over well, I told him everything that had happened in my past, and I told him that every since the surgeries that I’ve been in worse pain than even before I had the surgeries, and I prayed and begged for him to take everything out! As I was crying to him, I could He earned my respect right then by saying to me that he would not just cut me open if he could not guarantee that it would not relieve most of my pain. At that point, I felt like I could totally trust this man, I mean it seemed legit, he was not after my money from the surgery, if so, he would have just agreed to just do the surgery and been done with it, but he did not. So maybe this was the honest doctor that I had needed to meet this whole time that I had been searching for all these years. Nonetheless, I had been fooled before by thinking that doctors actually cared about my well- being, just to be made a fool of in the end, so I knew not to put too much thought into it. Although, I did find out that I was not the only case of my very first surgeon that this doctor was now seeing as a patient to try and correct the previous surgeons mistakes, so apparently there were a lot of other people who should have sued that doctor also for malpractice. Like I said, I’m surprised he’s still practicing medicine, and to top that, he is supposed to be one of those doctors that they use in court rooms when they need an expert doctor for reference. After hearing my cries for help, and sending me to get a new MRI done, my doctor told me at my next visit that he was going to do everything possible to get me out of the pain that I was in even if that did mean surgery, but he wanted to make sure that he could actually rid some of the pain before going in. Within a few weeks, I received a phone call explaining that he had figured out exactly how to do the the surgery to alleviate some of my pain, and he told me that the date would be in March, of 2016. Needless to say, I still have not had the surgery. He even went as far as to give me the surgical cleanser that I would was my body with the night before surgery, but no such luck. The bad part is I was actually hoping to reclaim my life again! I gained trust for this doctor, and yet again, I was let down. Each month I went to his stupid doctors appointments, and listened to yet another doctor jerk me around. As March 2016 approached, he gave some full of bologna line about how he didn’t have credentials to do anything but out patient surgery, and my surgery of course would have to be more intensive and would take more time so of course I knew that it was going to be inpatient, my question is why was he not smart enough to know this? As I finally watched March pass me by, I was given even more excuses, like my insurance was not wanting to pay for certain things. What they did not know, however was my husband had all the surgery codes and had already made sure that our insurance would be able to cover the procedures. Next, they decided that they then needed me to pay $6,000.00 up front, which at this point was impossible due to the move to Florida and all the pain medications and doctors visits that we’ve had to pay for out of pocket! Finally , I had enough, enough of all the unanswered calls, from when I would call with questions and they would tell me that someone would be getting back in touch with me, enough of all the empty promises, and enough of getting my hopes up just to be let down! But most of all enough of being jerked around by yet another doctor to make his pockets fatter!!!
During all of this jerking around that I was being put through, I made another appointment with this doctor due to being in unbearable pain. The lady at the front desk told me that the doctor said that he would not see me without me paying my balance in full! Which was crazy because I had already met my deductible, and I have 2 types of insurance the primary which covers 75% regardless, and then the supplemental which after the deductible is met covers the other 25%! Not to mention, they were attempting to make me pay for the doctor visit that I had not even went into yet! Which I’m pretty sure is not legal. So because I was in such pain, and I am known to be a bit of a brat when feeling this way, I decided to tell them that it was a shame that they are all only about money, and what happened to doctors that actually cared about their patients! Because I made such a scene, I suppose the doctor did not want me to scare off the rest of his patients by allowing his dirty little secret to get out, so he whisked me and my family away into our own room to be seen.Then he decided to feed me more lies, telling me that he can not stand to see me this way and what hurts him even more is that he knows that my kids have to see me in so much pain and that truly hurts him as a person. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Hell, he even told me that to prove to me that he was not like the other doctors, who had lied to me in the past and were all about money, that he was going to do the surgery even if he had to do it fro free. At this point, I did not know what to think, maybe this is what needed to happen for me to finally get someone to do what they were supposed to do. Maybe, just maybe I will actually be able to play with my kids again like I used to before all this. I don’t know what it was, but I just felt like I was being lied to, probably just to get me out of his office. But either way, I listened and still had a bit of hope. A week later, I received a letter from his office manager telling me that he no longer thought that he could help me, and I needed to now find a new doctor for this matter.
Ok guys, so I’ve been going through hell the past few days, weeks, months, years. Not only due to my horrible neck and spine pain, which I had 2 surgeries on, which in the end only made things excruciating for me and my health; but also , in the background, I have a husband who can sometimes seem like he’s wonderful and is there for me through thick and thin. That is when he is getting what he wants from me, which is me to be under his constant control. However, the other side is a person whom I and my children don’t know at all. We are scared of him, due to knowing that he can, will, and has been able to do abusive things to us in the past, and yet he is able to persuade cops and court officials to believe that he is the victim. He’s went as far as to claw his own neck up, report me for running over his thumb, and lots of other things like having my then 5 year old child lie to the police for him. All this due to me attempting to take back control of my life. It’s hard when you’re in this kind of situation, but it’s even peuyyu when you’re in this kind of situation with chronic pain, lots of different health issues and trying to raise 3 little girls to know that this type of relationship is not right, so that they do not think that when they’re older allowing anyone to treat them this way is right, just because they witnessed this behavior as children. Recently, and by recent, I mean about a week ago, he printed out divorce papers and said that he wanted a divorce. Now, with that being said, we’ve been together for 11+ years and he has served me divorce papers at least 5 or 6 different times. Honestly, it could’ve been more than that, just think that I may have lost count out of all the craziness . We did divorce in 2012, just to get remarried a week and a half later. This is mainly due to him taking my babies from me after being able to lie his way to the courts and make them believe everything he was saying. I lost my babies for 5 months, to where I was completely not able to see or even talk to them on the phone. Finally, after I was able to get back on my feet and go back to work, I hired an attorney and started being able to see my girls who were at the time, 2 and 4 years old. By months 6 and 7 he had been living with another girl, who too was also married to someone else and had children of her own, however she left them with their father to move in with my family. From August of 2012 until January 15th 2013, I went without contact with 2 of the most precious things in my life! When I was finally able to get to see them, I had moved back home in SC, from the home that he and I shared in FL, I was totally crushed to learn that he had confused my children so much, that my youngest daughter didn’t even remember me. She had been told to call the new girlfriend mommy, and so both of my babies did what they were told, and allowed this new woman to take my place as their mother, due to them really not having a choice in the matter. I traveled 450 miles every weekend to visit with my babies, to try to rekindle the mother/daughter that we had that was stolen from us due to my refusal to obey him and his needs. I was only allowed 1 hour on Saturdays and if he thought that I had been nice enough, then he would possibly allow me 1 more hours with the girls on Sundays. However, for this to happen, I could not bring anyone with me to visit, so that meant, (on the rare occasions that he allowed me to get the 2nd hour on Sundays) that I had to pay for my oldest daughter and sometimes my niece also a hotel room because he refused to allow their own sister to be able to visit with them. Not only that, but I was searched by a police officer each time I went to visit the babies, and had to visit them at some school in FL that the courts had appointed for the noncustodian parents, whom they thought were a danger to their children. Then after all this, the babies and I were never allowed to be alone, even though I pleaded that he was the abusive one, and was mentally harming my kids, the courts continued to stay with this order in place. I was watched at all times with the babies and a representative of the courts walked around with us everywhere, even to the bathroom. I would bring them different types of things such as crafts for us to do while we were there, and toys, to be able to take home with them after our visits. However, apparently he would not allow the children to keep anything that came from me. And in the end actually I had brought them a lot of Valentine’s/early Easter toys, and crafts, and also a bucket and shovels, because I knew how much they’d enjoy those things. Well 1 of the court reporters had informed me that after he and his new girlfriend came to pick up my babies from my visit with them, that right down the road about a mile, at a stop sign, everything that I had bought for the babies was strategically placed on the side of the road, as if it were some type of trash for anyone to have. The reporter did take pictures, thank God. However, due to being so scared to lose my girls again for good, instead of keeping up the fight for full custody, I gave in to shared custody. But I knew I had made the wrong decision and knew that without me being with my babies on an everyday basis, he could harm them and their mentality and emotions even more, and I felt that I had to have them with me full-time. I knew that he was only taking the girls to hurt me, and I even told the courts that throughout the whole ordeal. However, I felt as if no one would listen. To make a long story just a bit shorter, I decided that I would get back with him only for what I thought would be for my girl’s wellbeing. I knew that he wasn’t really with the girlfriend due to love, so after a week and a half later I talked him into moving back to SC, so that I would be able to be with the girls. And yes, I even remarried him 10 days later, to feel assured that he would not run off with my babies back to FL, once he found out what was really going on . I’m not proud of the betrayal that I had to pull over on him, but those were my babies too, and the courts weren’t helping and unless he thought that I wanted him, he wasn’t about to give me the girls back, and I knew that he would just hurt them, to hurt me. It was sickening to say the least. But many, many things have happened since then. Of course more abusive behavior has always been at the top of the chart even if I never let anyone know. However, I decided last year, after having to report him for raping me as I was passed out from him getting me intoxicated, and this was while he had taken my girls from me once again, that I would try to forget all the pain and craziness he had put me through and move back to FL with he and all 3 of my girls. This obviously was not a smart idea, even after all his promises that he was making about being a great person and never ever harming any of us again. So now, about a week ago, he said to me once again that he wanted a divorce, so I told him that I would totally agree if he would not do the horrible things that he had done before trying to take my girls to hurt me by lying, and making marks on himself and reporting it to the police, pretending that I was the one who made the marks. He said that this time he promised that we would be cordial, and that he would even be moving back to Costa Rica with family and leaving the girls with me. However, New Years eve, he decided that he did not want to spend time with our girls, but he decided that he’d rather go miles away to be with his friends to bring on the new year, and that was fine, I was more than willing to spend my new years with my babies. However, when he came back from his weekend vacation with his friends. He has totally changed, probably because I agreed too freely, but none the less, now he says he wants to stay together and is back to threatening to take the girls yet again if I do not stay with him. I’m trying to explain to him, that I and my children need counseling and that with my chronic pain from my constant health issues, that I don’t even know how to love myself anymore, I can only love my children, no one else. But he refuses to listen and instead chooses to use threats to confine me. Guess this would be the life of a Narcissist and their victims.
Hi everyone! I know that I have been gone MIA for a long while, so I decided to write and try to catch some things up with everyone here! First, my 2 youngest girls decided that they “NEEDED TO BE HOME-SCHOOLED,” so of course, I am thinking to myself, “OK, this could be a good thing,” I mean, I thought it would be fun, we would not have to get up early in the mornings, we could stay in our pajamas all day, if we chose to, I would have more than enough time to be able to share with my daughters, this could work! I was told, that the kids would be able to learn at their own pace, so it seemed like this would be a good thing, and at first everything was going well, so I thought! lol That was until the girls actually realized that they actually would have to do a lot of work in order to remain home schooled. Everyday seemed to be struggle trying to get them to do what needed to be done, especially with my youngest! She knows she s the baby, and she definitely uses that to her advantage! However, as time went on, it seemed like I was constantly working with them, nonstop, around the clock, sometimes from morning until late at night! I was getting frustrated, and so were the girls! I mean, I thought this was going to be a breeze, and not to mention, my kids would be at home with me, so therefor, I knew they were safe, and not around any unnecessary bad influences. Needless to say they no longer liked me. They wanted to back to public school. It was crazy, the amount of work that they were having to conquer. I have never been accused of being an extremely patient kind of gal, so I knew that them returning back would probably be what was best for them, as well as for my own sanity!