If You Want A Divorce,  Then You Can Have One…

Ok guys, so I’ve been going through hell the past few days, weeks, months, years. Not only due to my horrible neck and spine pain,  which I had 2 surgeries on, which in the end only made things excruciating for me and my health; but also , in the background,  I have a husband who can sometimes seem like he’s wonderful and is there for me through thick and thin. That is when he is getting what he wants from me, which is me to be under his constant control. However, the other side is a person whom I and my children don’t know at all. We are scared of him, due to knowing that he can, will, and has been able to do abusive things to us in the past, and yet he is able to persuade cops and court officials to believe that he is the victim. He’s went as far as to claw his own neck up, report me for running over his thumb, and lots of other things like having my then 5 year old child lie to the police for him. All this due to me attempting to take back control of my life. It’s hard when you’re in this kind of situation,  but it’s  even peuyyu when you’re in this kind of situation with chronic pain,  lots of different health issues and trying to raise 3 little girls to know that this type of relationship is not right, so that they do not think that when they’re older allowing anyone to treat them this way is right, just because they witnessed this behavior as children. Recently,  and by recent,  I mean about a week ago, he printed out divorce papers and said that he wanted a divorce.  Now, with that being said, we’ve been together for 11+ years and he has served me divorce papers at least 5 or 6 different times. Honestly,  it could’ve been more than that, just think that I may have lost count out of all the craziness . We did divorce in 2012, just to get remarried a week and a half later. This is mainly due to him taking my babies from me after being able to lie his way to the courts and make them believe everything he was saying. I lost my babies for 5 months, to where I was completely not able to see or even talk to them on the phone. Finally,  after I was able to get back on my feet and go back to work, I hired an attorney and started being able to see my girls who were at the time, 2 and 4 years old. By months 6 and 7 he had been living with another girl, who too was also married to someone else and had children of her own, however she left them with their father to move in with my family.  From August of 2012 until January 15th 2013, I went without contact with 2 of the most precious things in my life! When I was finally able to get to see them, I had moved back home in SC, from the home that he and I shared in FL, I  was totally crushed to learn that he had confused my children so much, that my youngest daughter didn’t even remember me. She had been told to call the new girlfriend mommy, and so both of my babies did what they were told, and allowed this new woman to take my place as their mother, due to them really not having a choice in the matter. I traveled 450 miles every weekend to visit with my babies, to try to rekindle the mother/daughter that we had that was stolen from us due to my refusal to obey him and his needs. I was only allowed 1 hour on Saturdays and if he thought that I had been nice enough, then he would possibly allow me 1 more hours with the girls on Sundays.  However,  for this to happen,  I could not bring anyone with me to visit, so that meant, (on the rare occasions that he allowed me to get the 2nd hour on Sundays) that I had to pay for my oldest daughter and sometimes my niece also a hotel room because he refused to allow their own sister to be able to visit with them. Not only that, but I was searched by a police officer each time I went to visit the babies, and had to visit them at some school in FL that the courts had appointed for the noncustodian parents, whom they thought were a danger to their children. Then after all this, the babies and I were never allowed to be alone, even though I pleaded that he was the abusive one, and was mentally harming my kids, the courts continued to stay with this order in place. I was watched at all times with the babies and a representative of the courts walked around with us everywhere, even to the bathroom.  I would bring them different types of things such as crafts for us to do while we were there, and toys,  to be able to take home with them after our visits. However,  apparently he would not allow the children to keep anything that came from me. And in the end actually I had brought them a lot of Valentine’s/early Easter toys, and crafts, and also a bucket and shovels,  because I knew how much they’d enjoy those things. Well 1 of the court reporters had informed me that after he and his new girlfriend came to pick up my babies from my visit with them, that right down the road about a mile, at a stop sign, everything that I had bought for the babies was strategically placed on the side of the road, as if it were some type of trash for anyone to have. The reporter did take pictures, thank God. However,  due to being so scared to lose my girls again for good, instead of keeping up the fight for full custody,  I gave in to shared custody. But I knew I had made the wrong decision and knew that without me being with my babies on an everyday basis, he could harm them and their mentality and emotions even more, and I felt that I had to have them with me full-time.  I knew that he was only taking the girls to hurt me, and I even told the courts that throughout the whole ordeal.  However,  I felt as if no one would listen. To make a long story just a bit shorter, I decided that I would get back with him only for what I thought would be for my girl’s wellbeing. I knew that he wasn’t really with the girlfriend due to love, so after a week and a half later I talked him into moving back to SC, so that I would be able to be with the girls. And yes, I even remarried him 10 days later, to feel assured that he would not run off with my babies back to FL, once he found out what was really going on . I’m not proud of the betrayal that I had to pull over on him, but those were my babies too, and the courts weren’t helping and unless he thought that I wanted him, he wasn’t about to give me the girls back, and I knew that he would just hurt them, to hurt me. It was sickening to say the least.  But many,  many things have happened since then. Of course more abusive behavior has always been at the top of the chart even if I never let anyone know.  However, I decided last year, after having to report him for raping me as I was passed out from him getting me intoxicated,  and this was while he had taken my girls from me once again,  that I would try to forget all the pain and craziness he had put me through and move back to FL with he and all 3 of my girls. This obviously was not a smart idea, even after all his promises that he was making about being a great person and never ever harming any of us again.  So now, about a week ago, he said to me once again that he wanted a divorce, so I told him that I would totally agree if he would not do the horrible things that he had done before trying to take my girls to hurt me by lying, and making marks on himself and reporting it to the police, pretending that I was the one who made the marks. He said that this time he promised that we would be cordial, and that he would even be moving back to Costa Rica with family and leaving the girls with me. However, New Years eve, he decided that he did not want to spend time with our girls, but he decided that he’d rather go miles away to be with his friends to bring on the new year, and that was fine, I was more than willing to spend my new years with my babies. However,  when he came back from his weekend vacation with his friends. He has totally changed, probably because I agreed too freely, but none the less,  now he says he wants to stay together and is back to threatening to take the girls yet again if I do not stay with him. I’m trying to explain to him, that I and my children need counseling and that with my chronic pain from my constant health issues, that I don’t even know how to love myself anymore,  I can only love my children,  no one else. But he refuses to listen and instead chooses to use threats to confine me. Guess this would be the life of a Narcissist and their victims.

I’m Back!

Hi everyone! I know that I have been gone MIA for a long while, so I decided to write and try to catch some things up with everyone here! First, my 2 youngest girls decided that they “NEEDED TO BE HOME-SCHOOLED,” so of course, I am thinking to myself, “OK, this could be a good thing,” I mean, I thought it would be fun, we would not have to get up early in the mornings, we could stay in our pajamas all day, if we chose to, I would have more than enough time to be able to share with my daughters, this could work! I was told, that the kids would be able to learn at their own pace, so it seemed like this would be a good thing, and at first everything was going well, so I thought! lol That was until the girls actually realized that they actually would have to do a lot of work in order to remain home schooled. Everyday seemed to be struggle trying to get them to do what needed to be done, especially with my youngest! She knows she s the baby, and she definitely uses that to her advantage! However, as time went on, it seemed like I was constantly working with them, nonstop, around the clock, sometimes from morning until late at night! I was getting frustrated, and so were the girls! I mean, I thought this was going to be a breeze, and not to mention, my kids would be at home with me, so therefor, I knew they were safe, and not around any unnecessary bad influences. Needless to say they no longer liked me. They wanted to back to public school. It was crazy, the amount of work that they were having to conquer. I have never been accused of being an extremely patient kind of gal, so I knew that them returning back would probably be what was best for them, as well as for my own sanity!

 

24 Things Women Over 30 Should Wear

Exactly

Warning:Curves Ahead

This morning, as I was perusing my Facebook timeline, I happened upon an article that a lovely friend shared. It was entitled “24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30”, and it triggered Maximum Eye-Rolling from everyone who took the time out to read it.

Written by Kallie Provencher for RantChic.com, this “article” (I use the term loosely) highlighted things such as “leopard print”, “graphic tees”, and “short dresses” (because “By this age, women should know it’s always better to leave something to the imagination”). Kallie, it seems, has a number of opinions on what women over 30 should and shouldn’t be doing, having also penned “30 Things Women Over 30 Shouldn’t Own” and “20 Pictures Women Over 30 Need To Stop Posting Online”. (What is this magical post-30 land where women are suddenly not allowed to do or own so many things?!)

Motivated by Kallie’s “article”, I decided to…

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A Day In The Life of My New Phalaenopsis Orchids

I was meaning to write this post days ago, but as all of you are aware, there are challenges of trying to figure out everything that you have to learn in order to write and keep up with having your own blog. So days later, I’m finally making myself stop, and take the time to share this post. I am the owner of 5 Phalaenopsis orchids,  4 of them which I got for a really good price because the store they were at were not properly caring for them, so they were in very bad shape. I had learned somewhere while researching their care, that some places would be willing to give you a discount on these types of plants after a while due to them not being in tip-top shape.  These were not any different,  sometimes the people who look after the gardening department are not able to give the best care to all the plants, and then the plants suffer. After convincing the guy that the plants should be sold to me for even less than 50% off, I was able to get all 4 for less than half of what I had paid for my first phalaenopsis! I paid only $3.00 each! I do admit, I was shocked at how easy it was to get all 4 plants for only $12.00. At first sight, you could tell they were a little in distress, due to the leaves being leathery and dehydrated looking, but a true phalaenopsis owner knows that it’s not until you are able to get home and inspect the media in which the plant’s roots are living in that really will disclose how bad off the plant is.
Most of the time,  stores will put Phalaenopsis orchids in a certain type of living situation that is bad for the plant itself, and it is only intended to be in this media until the customer buys it and gets it home. If not removed from the current situation,  the roots can end up being damaged and the plants may end up dying. Once I was able to investigate the roots, or lack of, I was able to determine that it was definitely going to be a challenge to save these orchids. But it was a challenge that I was up to. First, I took all of the orchids out of the potting and media that they were currently housed in, noticing that there were even some types of sponges and other things that I knew did not have any reason for being there. After throwing out the old, it was time to replace it with the new.
Because of my research of learning how Phalaenopsis orchids thrive, I knew that I needed a certain type of media that contained bark. Phalaenopsis orchids are epiphytes, which means that they grow on and need another plant for support, but not for its nutrients or food. Epiphytes get their nutrients from the air and rain in order to live, and they also do not grow in soil, but yet on tree trunks in a forest. Most people do not realize this, and they put them in soil, due to no airflow, and lack of the nutrients needed to live, death is almost imminent. Another interesting thing I found out is that within the bark mixture, phals also like charcoal and coarse perlite. All of these ingredients mixed together help to receive exactly what is needed for these types of plants to thrive;  the bark provides maximum airflow, charcoal cleans naturally, and the perlite helps to drain fast to stop crown rot and root rot, which comes from sitting in water.

Phalaenopsis have both aerial as well as their regular roots. Aerial roots, as you might have assumed by their name, are airborne roots that grow above the plant media and aid in absorbing carbon dioxide and moisture that they need in order to live. They normally have a grayish tint to them, while the regular roots, if healthy, will be a bright darker green. When I took a look at my newly purchased phals, this was also a concern of mine. These phals were smushed into small containers, within the wrong media, and the roots were there, but almost all were dead and needed to be trimmed off. I knew that this could be a very bad sign for these precious plants, and so I trimmed them off and now, I am just waiting to see what happens next! I’ve learned with Phalaenopsis, the one thing that you must have is patience.

Does It Only Grow In Florida?

So after trying and trying to grow a pineapple from using just the top of a used pineapple, I am happy to present to you that It has finally happened. It seems as though all of my plants like it much better in Florida, rather than when we were in South Carolina. I have a lot of plants, and honestly, I have never been known to have a “green thumb,” Ever! Over the years I have probably killed more plants than any plant company sells within a five year span,(and I am talking about big stores, not small ones!) But maybe this wasn’t my fault, maybe it hade a lot to do with the weather. Everyone knows that Florida is known for its sunshine. However, SC is totally opposite; some days it’s cold, then some days it’s hot, but almost all the days are with an overcast which does not seem to be very healthy for plants. Unless of course you have a green thumb, and then I’m pretty sure you can grow anything, anywhere. And for that I envy you! I think I tried to grow a pineapple plant from 2 or 3 different pineapples before moving back to Florida, non of which had any success, until now.

All of my plants seem to love this sunshine! They are all doing really well. Just growing, growing, growing! Mostly I have pathos plants: I have a lot of pathos plants. I initially, only had one big pathos; but I then decided that I would try to grow a few from using just the cuttings, and I am happy with the results. Actually I now have 12 plants all from just the cuttings of one pathos! These plants, I have found are easy to care for, and that is great for my struggling green thumb! Oh well, enough of the pathos!

Back to the pineapple plant, it is crazy, as I said, this is about the 3rd time I have attempted to grow one from the left over pineapple top. Normally the top seemed to just rot away after I would plant it in a planting pot, but this time, I not only have a new growth from it, yet I have two new plants growing on both sides of the one pineapple top that I first planted! I’m a little confused by this, I thought that the pineapple top that I planted would possibly continue to grow, but it really has not grown much at all, it instead grew two new sprouts, one on each side of the old pineapple top? Oh well, I may not understand it, but I’m still content! Has this happened to any of you? Or am I the only crazy person who took on this challenge?

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